Who do you choose??

So I got my first taste of Braxton Hicks contractions and it was not pleasant. It caught me by surprise and lasted an excruciating two minutes. I was trying to get off my bed to take a bathroom break for the millionth time (sigh) when all of a sudden there was an extreme tightening in the base of my bump/abs. As soon as I moved off the bed and felt that pain I had to sit right back down and wait it out. During this time I started tapping my husband on the shoulder, who was halfway asleep, trying to alert him that something was not right. He woke up and looked at me like I was crazy. I may have been a little crazy, (crazy with pain), but his look annoyed the shit out of me. Here I was in pain and all you could do is look at me that way! I don’t even know what I expected him to do, all I knew it didn’t include looking at me that way. 

Eventually the two minutes passed and it was all over. I proceeded to the bathroom to finally relieve myself and he then asks “Where are you going?” I annoyingly replied “To the bathroom.” When I returned from the bathroom he wasn’t in the room. Shortly following my return to the room, he came up the stairs with a bowl of popcorn and asked me if I wanted some. What the hell did popcorn have to do with a contraction? Is this some medical advice that he got from an old wives tale? I was in no mood to find out.  But the smell of the popcorn and cravings kicking in, I rolled my eyes and took a handful. What was reinforced that night was that while my husband does care about me in his weird way, he does not know how to express his emotions in a way that I’ve grown accustomed to by my family members. His way of being emotionally supportive was not going to cut it during labor. Lol.

Then about two weeks after the first incident, I got my second taste of Braxton Hicks contractions while helping my nephew with his homework. Yes, it was just as excruciating as the first time, occurring for the same two minutes. Although it caught me by surprise this time as well, (because you never know when it’s going to happen), I was a bit more mentally prepared to deal with the pain, and I wasn’t trying to scare my nephew; he’s 10 years old. His response did surprise me. See our dialogue.

Nephew: “Aunty, are you okay?”

Me: “No”

Nephew: “What’s wrong?”

Me: “I’m getting a contraction”

Nephew: “Oh Braxton Hicks! Mom told me when you got the first one. Do you want me to rub your tummy for you?”

Me (smiling): “No that’s okay. It’ll go away soon”

Nephew: “Do you want me to go get granny (my mom)?”

Me: “No. Don’t worry her”

Nephew: “Okay. Do you want me to call uncle N?”

Me: “No hon. I’ll be fine, I promise”

Nephew: “You don’t look fine.  Come on; let me rub your tummy. Tummy rubs make belly pain go away”

His reaction when compared to my hubby was a huge difference. He seemed more concerned and involved, but most importantly, he wanted to help in whatever way he could to relieve or lessen my pain.

In the situation with my husband, I didn’t know what I needed, but my nephew gave me a reaction more along the lines of what I was hoping for. That’s the problem with expectations; they’re impossible for others to live up to and they cause unnecessary conflict, especially when the other person doesn’t know what they did wrong or didn’t do. 

So it got me thinking. When I actually go into labor, who do I want in the delivery room?  Initially, I thought that of course my husband is going to be in the room. He got me into this mess; he’s got to be there. Also he needs to share in the experience, probably by cutting the umbilical cord.

However, before we can cut the cord I have to go through the contractions and the pushing out of the baby and I feel like my mom or even the personality of my nephew is better suited to help me get through that phase. Yes, I know kids aren’t allowed in the delivery room, so I would have to go with my mom. I don’t want to scar the kid for life ahahahaha.

The hospital only allows one other person in the room, so who do I choose, my mom or my husband? It would be so much easier if they could both be there. Sigh.  I certainly don’t want to rob my husband of the experience or hurt his feelings because he has been with me EVERY step of the way, but I don’t think his personality is going to miraculously change for the occasion. I have to be real. I feel by choosing my mom it would be a highly selfish move, but I need and want that emotional support from someone close to me during that time, especially because it is my first pregnancy. What do I do??? Has anyone else ever gone through a similar situation/ felt this way?

P.S. I later learned that the popcorn was meant to be comfort food, to try to make me feel better. 

Add a spark to your world!
Love, CT