The full scoop

The things they don’t tell you about pregnancy. Sigh

Most people try to tell you that pregnancy will be the most wonderful time of your life and that everyone will pamper you yaddi, yadda. Everyone loves the baby smell, the precious smile and the cooing, but no one prepares you the 40 weeks of bull shit.

I think if more teenage girls and irresponsible women did their research before sleeping around there would be fewer unwanted pregnancies.

But here is the truth that you’ll have to endure for your journey:

v  The diet – It’s one of the first things you’ll be instructed to change once your pregnancy is confirmed. Pregnancy is not about eating for two, it’s more about eating twice as healthy to ensure that you and your baby get the right quantity of required nutrients.  You may be required to cut alcohol, a lot of caffeine related products, products high in sugar and some raw foods from your diet.

Alcohol based products – wine, beer, scotch, vodka etc

Caffeine related products – coffee, some teas, energy drinks e.g. Gatorade, Powerade, Lucozade, Red Bull, Monster, and some chocolates

Sugar products – some juices, soda except for ginger ale (helps with indigestion), chewing gum that isn’t sugar free

Raw foods – sushi. Side note: always wash vegetables properly

v  Nausea and vomiting – one of the most tell-tale signs that a woman may be pregnant is called Morning sickness. However, this supposed ‘morning’ sickness occurs at any damn time of the day or night; and anything can trigger it  e.g. foods you eat, scents/fragrances

v  Gas & burping – As your bowels become more crowded, you’ll suffer from digestion woes. You’ll feel gassy and bloated.  The digestion process slows down as well, e.g. I may eat at 1pm and not belch until 6pm, while enduring that discomfort for the entire 5 hours. Trick: Drink some ginger ale

v  Constipation – Pregnancy hormones can slow down the digestion process which leads to constipation. An excess of iron can also lead to constipation. To help prevent this, drink lots of water, fruits and other foods high in fiber

v  Itchy nipples and belly – The stretching of your skin causes it to itch. One trick is to use olive oil on your skin instead of regular body lotion after you shower.

v  Groin pain – This occurs when the round ligaments in your pelvis begin to stretch to accommodate your growing baby. You will tend to feel this type of pain during the middle of your pregnancy. Relief: Either wear a belly band or prop your feet up on a pillow or foot stool and rest for a while.

v  Incontinence and constant need to pee – The baby may be resting on your bladder and every time your bladder begins to hold even the smallest amount of urine, you’ll get the urge to urinate. Additionally you may find that by the time you get to the bathroom, there’s some urine on your underwear. Solution: Do lots of Kegel exercises and wear panty liners.

v  Decreased sex drive – With all of the many changes and feelings that your body will be going through, (nausea, bloating, pelvic pain, and growing stomach) sex tends to be the last thing on your mind. In fact, it was sex that got you here in the first place lol.  At this point, many women fear that their partners will stray. Solution: Find other ways to be intimate with your partner e.g. kissing, cuddling, going to dinner etc. and of course talk to your partner about your new found situation, reassure them that this is temporary.

v  Acne – Pregnancy hormones can cause you to break out like a teenager, triggering bumps and blemishes that you haven’t seen in a while.

v  Strange Dreams – I thought this occurred because of my love for the television show,Criminal Minds, lmbo, but research has actually shown that anxiety, fatigue and restlessness can cause women to have strange dreams. If it’s any consolation, these dreams are actually a healthy way for expectant mothers to cope with the uncertainties of becoming a parent.

v  Hemorrhoids – this may occur due to the baby’s weight pressing against the veins in your groin. Solution: Try not to become constipated; drink lots of water, eat foods high in fiber and exercise. Use witch hazel pads to soothe the swelling.

v  Vaginal discharge – An increase in estrogen levels causes women to produce more secretions and discharge. Solution: use panty liners and cotton underwear.

v  Leaking boobs – High levels of prolactin can cause fluid to leak from your nipples when they’re stimulated.  Normal activities like showering, changing your clothes, or having sex can trigger leaks. Solution: try wearing nursing pads.

v  Varicose veins – A growing uterus can put pressure on your veins e.g. in your vulva, groin or back of the leg. Luckily these tend to disappear post pregnancy. Solution: Exercise and try wearing tight fitting undergarments like Spanx or stockings

v  Change in Belly button – it’s just the body’s way of making a little extra room for the baby. Solution: The skin may be sensitive when rubbing against clothing, so either stick a band aid over it or try wearing a belly band.

v  Sleeping on your left side – This helps to improve blood flow; therefore nutrients to the placenta. It also helps kidneys eliminate waste products and fluids more efficiently. (Sleeping on your back with the added weight puts pressure on your spine, back muscles, intestines and major blood vessels).

v  Heart burn – As the digestive system slows down, some food tends to remain in the stomach and intestines longer than usual. The heartburn occurs when these contents reflux into the esophagus

v  Leg cramps – This is caused by the extra weight that your body is now carrying around. During pregnancy, the body also produces a hormone called relaxin that loosens the ligaments throughout the body, making the body less stable and prone to injury, particularly in your back

v  Shortness of breath – as your baby grows, the uterus begins to take up more space in your body, resulting in pressure against your diaphragm.

v  And the mother of all embarrassment - Pooping during delivery – When delivering you’ll actually be asked to push as though you’re having a bowel movement, and well..sometimes poop does come out. Just imagine the look on your partner’s face. Sigh.  Solution: you can ask your midwife or doctor if it’s okay to take an enema before delivery.

Add a spark to your life!
Love, CT